How to Choose the Best Strap-On, According to Sex Therapists
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Whether you’re a top, bottom, vers—or hoping to find out—adding one (or two!) of the best strap-ons to your toy collection will make exploring in the bedroom all the more enjoyable.
First-time shopper? Here’s what you need to know: A strap-on is basically a harness that can hold a dildo, which allows you to give (or receive) hands-free anal or vaginal penetration. Using a strap-on is a hot way to try anal play and switch up power dynamics. And straps are, of course, a regular part of sex for many queer people.
Because there are so many options to choose from (more on this below), we spoke to sex experts to find out how to buy the right strap-on, whether you’re getting your first one or your 20th.
Our top picks
- Best Overall: SpareParts Joque Harness, $148
- Runner-Up: Tantus Intermediate Unisex Vibrating Strap-On, $100
- Best Budget Pick: Lovehoney Universal Strap-On Harness, $33
- Best Kit Beginners: Lovehoney Beginner’s Unisex Strap-On Harness Kit, $50
- Most Adjustable Harness: Sportsheets Divine Diva Plus-Size Harness,
$45$30 - Best for a Rabbit Vibrator: Happy Rabbit Vibrating Strap-On Set, $110
- Best Strapless: Lovense Lapis Strapless Strap-On, $170
- Best Underwear: CalExotics Packer Gear Harness Boxer,
$35$23
Shop the best strap-ons
We made sure that all these picks are body-safe, highly rated, and follow our experts’ guidelines for your comfort and pleasure.
Best Overall: SpareParts Joque Harness
Praised by our experts for its fit, features, flexibility, and feel, the Joque is the best strap-on we’ve found. “This harness offers great support and is adjustable for different body sizes and toys,” Jennifer Litner, PhD, an AASECT-certified sex therapist and founder of Embrace Sexual Wellness, tells SELF.
It has two internal pockets for bullet vibes: You can tuck one vibrator in a pouch above the O-ring to provide a “pleasurable buzz” to the wearer and the person receiving in a face-to-face position, says Carol Queen, PhD, a staff expert at online sex-toy shop Good Vibes and coauthor of The Sex & Pleasure Book: Good Vibrations Guide to Great Sex for Everyone. The second pocket can hold a vibrator against the perineum or between the labia, which will stimulate the genitals of the person being penetrated in front-to-back positions like reverse rider.
We like how adjustable this harness is—between Joque’s two sizes, it can fit hips from 20 to 60 inches around. Also noteworthy: The O-ring is made from flexible elastic, so you can swap in toys with different girths, Dr. Queen says.
Pros & Cons
| Pros | Cons |
|---|---|
| Highly adjustable | Substantial amount of extra “strap” fabric for those with smaller waists |
| Compatible with a wide range of toys | |
| Machine-washable | |
| Has two built-in bullet vibrator pockets |
Product specs
Available sizes: Size A and size B | Adjustment range: 20 to 50 inches (size A), 35 to 60 inches (size B)| Items included: Adjustable jockstrap harness, built-in elastic O-ring
Runner-Up: Tantus Intermediate Unisex Vibrating Strap-On
One of my favorite strap-ons is the Tantus Intermediate. A great option for novices, this kit includes everything you need for a fun first time: an adjustable harness, two body-safe dildos, a bullet vibe, and two removable O-rings. If you’re worried about accidentally buying a harness and dildo that won’t fit together or finding all of the “right” pieces, I highly recommend giving this set a try.
Pros & Cons
| Pros | Cons |
|---|---|
| Easy to use | Dildos aren't textured |
| Both included dildos are curved | |
| Comes with a bullet vibrator |
Product specs
Available sizes: One size | Adjustment range: 15 to 60 inches | Items included: Adjustable harness, harness, two O-rings, two dildos, bullet vibrator
Best Budget Pick: Lovehoney Universal Strap-On Harness
Comfy and compatible with a range of dildo sizes, Lovehoney’s Universal Harness checks our most essential boxes—and at $25, it costs a bit less than some other models on our list. This jock-style pick has adjustable straps and comes with three O-rings you can swap in and out, depending on the width of your toy. The harness also has a pocket for a bullet vibe (toy not included), which can turn a regular silicone dildo into a vibrator and amp up the pleasure for all parties involved.
Pros & Cons
| Pros | Cons |
|---|---|
| Budget- and beginner-friendly | Excess straps hang loose and can be distracting |
| Adjustable | |
| Multiple O-rings | |
| Machine-washable |
Product specs
Available sizes: One size | Adjustment range: 28 to 65 inches | Items included: Adjustable jock-style harness, three O-rings
Best Kit for Beginners: Lovehoney Beginner’s Unisex Strap-On Harness Kit
This Lovehoney strap-on kit is our favorite for beginners because it includes the essentials: a machine-washable harness, multiple O-rings, and a five-inch dildo that’s also anal-safe. Plus, the harness has a pocket that can hold a bullet vibrator (not included), and the whole set costs less than $50.
Pros & Cons
| Pros | Cons |
|---|---|
| Includes a beginner-friendly dildo | Straps may dig in or pinch |
| Compatible with most bullet vibes | |
| Safe for anal or vaginal play |
Product specs
Available sizes: One size | Adjustment range: 18 to 68 inches | Items included: Adjustable jockstrap harness, dildo (5-inch), three O-rings
Most Adjustable Harness: Sportsheets Divine Diva Plus-Sized Harness
“Being comfortable when you’re having strap-on sex is extremely important,” says Javay Frye-Nekrasova, MEd, an AASECT-certified sex educator with sex toy brand Lovehoney. After all, it’s difficult to feel sexy or find the right tempo when things are unpleasantly digging or pinching into your hips, bum, or thighs, she adds.
Compared to most jock-style harnesses that only adjust up to around 60 inches, this strap-on extends to 82 inches (the largest on our list) for a better fit. Another perk: The padded back support, which should prevent chafing or discomfort in the middle of a session.
Pros & Cons
| Pros | Cons |
|---|---|
| Padded back band | Excess straps hang loose (some reviewers recommend trimming them once you find your fit) |
| Not too pricey |
Product specs
Available sizes: One size | Adjustment range: 28 to 82 inches | Items included: Adjustable jockstrap harness, three O-rings
Best for a Rabbit Vibrator: Happy Rabbit Vibrating Strap-On Set
The rabbit vibrator is a popular sex toy with a long body and smaller “ears” that can stimulate the vagina and the clit at the same time. This set comes with a rabbit vibe that has a flared base (unlike most classic rabbits), so you can fit it inside the included harness’s O-ring and feel confident it won’t slip out. You also have the option to switch in a regular dildo or use the vibrator on its own.
Pros & Cons
| Pros | Cons |
|---|---|
| Waterproof rabbit vibe included | Rabbit ears may feel too stiff for some |
| Vibrator has 15 intensity settings | |
| Adjustable harness | |
| Good value for a set |
Product specs
Available sizes: One size | Adjustment range: up to 67 inches | Items included: Adjustable jockstrap harness, vibrating rabbit dildo (5-inch), three O-rings, USB power cord
Best Strapless: Lovense Lapis Strapless Strap-On
Lovense, a top-rated brand we’ve recommended previously, makes our favorite strapless strap-on. The dildo itself is firm enough to support easy entry, but flexible enough to move with your body—plus, it vibrates.
When you connect the toy to the Lovense app, you can control the speed and pattern of its three motors (one in the bulb, one in the base, and one in the tip) remotely. The app even lets you synchronize the Lapis with music on your phone. So if you don’t already have a groovy sex playlist ready to go, this is your sign to make one.
Pros & Cons
| Pros | Cons |
|---|---|
| Waterproof | Pricey |
| App-compatible | Not as beginner-friendly |
| Three separate motors | |
| Battery life exceeds two hours | |
| Flexible neck |
Product specs
Available sizes: One size | Adjustment range: N/A | Items included: Vibrator, USB power cord
Best Underwear: CalExotics Packer Gear Harness Boxer
These boxers can function as your everyday undies, and none would be the wiser. But when the mood strikes, they have a sewn-in O-ring that’s strong enough to support a dildo. As a bonus: The harness is thoughtfully designed with an internal strap that snugly secures packers (an aid designed to create the appearance of a bulge) in place.
Pros & Cons
| Pros | Cons |
|---|---|
| Budget-friendly | Only outfitted with one O-ring |
| Comfortable | |
| Stretchy | |
| Compatible with dildo or packer |
More great picks
There are plenty more options where those came from—if none of our top picks feel like the right fit, shop other expert-approved strap-ons below.
SpareParts Sasha Couture Harness
An underwear-style harness with ribbons, lace, and detachable garters, this pick from Dr. Queen looks and feels as sleek as lingerie. But the fabric has subtle, sewn-in panels that help the harness keep its shape, ensuring that the base of the dildo stays pressed to you or your partner’s body, for easy control.
Also worth noting: The back panels can shift to accommodate double-ended dildos. Plus, there are two pouches that can fit bullet vibes—and the whole thing is machine-washable.
Pros & Cons
| Pros | Cons |
|---|---|
| Cute design | Pricey |
| Sits seamlessly under clothing | Not adjustable |
| Machine-washable | Dildo sold separately |
Product specs
Available sizes: XS to 3XL | Adjustment range: N/A | Items included: Underwear harness
Happy Rabbit Vibrating Strapless Strap-On Dildo
Here’s another pick for the people who love dual stimulation: “Both ends of this rechargeable rabbit dildo can vibrate with varying strengths and patterns,” says Dr. Queen. Each end is controlled separately and offers rumbly (not buzzy) vibrations for a more intense experience.
The shorter end is shaped to “hook” into the wearer’s pelvis so it stays in place, while “the long arm is styled with a bit of a curve for G-spot or prostate stimulation,” Dr. Queen says. It’s also anal-safe—just be sure to lather up with lots of lube before you get going.
Pros & Cons
| Pros | Cons |
|---|---|
| Ergonomically designed to fit both partners | Easier to use with a harness (not included) |
| Anal-safe | |
| Waterproof | |
| Both ends can be controlled separately |
Product specs
Available sizes: One size | Adjustment range: N/A | Items included: Dildo
Fun Factory Ryde Double Ended Grinding Silicone Dildo
“The Ryde is a great choice if you are looking for a versatile toy,” says Frye-Nekrasova. Its suction cup base can securely attach to any strap-on harness, and the two posable dildos allow you to practice double penetration (or use one arm for penetration and one for grinding).
Unlike some of our other picks, you can also use the Ryde by yourself: Stick the base on any flat, smooth surface, and enjoy double penetration all on your own. While finding the right angle can take some trial and error, it might be worth it if you haven’t found a strap-on you like yet.
Pros & Cons
| Pros | Cons |
|---|---|
| Suction cup base fits into most harnesses | Has a learning curve |
| Can be used alone or with a partner |
Product specs
Available sizes: One size | Adjustment range: N/A | Items included: Dildo
SpareParts Deuce Cover Harness
Here to prove that two is better than one is the SpareParts Deuce harness, which is also built for dual penetration, according to Frye-Nekrasova. It has two O-ring openings, she says—one that a penis can go through and one that a dildo can go through. “There are also two separate pockets for bullets. You can turn both or just one of the insertable toys into a vibrator with ease,” she adds.
Dr. Queen also notes that this strap-on has a built-in pouch that’s useful for anyone who wants to tuck their penis away without it getting squished by the dildo’s base.
Pros & Cons
| Pros | Cons |
|---|---|
| Works for folks with penises | Pricey |
| Can be used for double penetration | |
| Highly adjustable | |
| Two built-in bullet vibrator pockets | |
| Machine-washable |
Product specs
Available sizes: One size | Adjustment range: 20 to 50 inches | Items included: Adjustable jockstrap harness, storage bag
Sportsheets Neoprene Harness
While most strap-on harnesses sit around your pelvis, this one Velcros around your thigh. “It’s a great alternative for those who can't comfortably thrust,” says Dr. Queen, or “for those who like to cuddle up and rub, as it offers a penetrative upgrade to frottage.”
Pros & Cons
| Pros | Cons |
|---|---|
| Accessible for those with mobility limitations | Only fits legs up to 22 inches around |
| Machine-washable |
Product specs
Available sizes: One size | Adjustment range: Up to 22 inches | Items included: Thigh harness
Best strap-on accessories
Much like pepperoni on pizza, these accessories aren’t essential to strap-on sex—they're welcome extras that can make things more enjoyable and comfortable.
Bumpher Silicone Base
Bumpher creates a buffer between your body and the base of a dildo. “One side fits onto the bottom of your strap-on dildo, while the other is contoured for vulva stimulation,” explains Dr. Queen. “The wearer just has to adjust their harness so that their vulva and the Bumpher line-up.”
Made from squishy silicone, this accessory helps protect the pubic bone of the harness-wearer during play. (You can also put a bullet vibe inside to turn it into a contoured vibrator.)
Pros & Cons
| Pros | Cons |
|---|---|
| Textured to provide vulva stimulation | Can be a bit bulky for some |
| Fits over most dildos | Creates more space between wearer and receiver |
| Doubles as a buffer |
Honeybunch Silicone Base
This dildo base introduces all the pleasure of grinding sex toys into strap-on play. “The Honeybunch is a great addition for those who like to hump and move their hips while strapped on,” says Lisa Finn, a sex educator with sex-toy store Babeland.
The textured ridges provide sensation against the vulva, while the tail end of the toy will press against the nerve-dense vaginal opening with each thrust, they say. Best of all, because it’s made from squishy silicone, you won’t risk bruising your pelvic bone if you grind hard against it.
Pros & Cons
| Pros | Cons |
|---|---|
| Has pocket for bullet vibrator | Can make wearer feel less in control of dildo |
| Nubs give the wearer something to grind against | Bumpy texture won’t appeal to all |
| Compatible with most dildo bases | Bullet vibrator not included |
| Can be used outside of strap-on play |
We-Vibe Chorus
“The We-Vibe Chorus is marketed for wear during penetrative play,” says Finn—including strap-on sex. In particular, Finn recommends this vibrator for those who are wearing the strap-on: “It can provide internal vibration and G-spot sensation, without the bulk or bulbousness of a double-ended dildo,” they say.
Plus, the toy connects to the We-Vibe app and comes with a remote control that’s squeeze-sensitive, so you can adjust the vibrations without fiddling with tiny buttons.
Pros & Cons
| Pros | Cons |
|---|---|
| Can be worn by either partner | Requires bulky dock (included) to charge |
| App-compatible | |
| Remote controllable |
Dame Zee Bullet Vibrator
Many strap-on harnesses have a built-in pocket for bullet vibrators (some of our picks have two!), but few include one with your purchase. That’s where this budget-friendly vibe comes in.
“The Dame Zee is a wonderful, simple vibrator that will fit into any harness with a bullet vibrator pocket, as well as into the Bumpher,” says Finn. The single-button control is at the very top of the toy, so you’ll still be able to reach it once it’s inserted.
Pros & Cons
| Pros | Cons |
|---|---|
| Single-button control | Not as rumbly as alternatives |
| 3-speed vibrator | |
| Rechargeable |
Ohnut Stackable Rings
When it comes to dildo shopping, it’s common for hopes to be larger than holes. Luckily, for those with a dildo that's longer than they can comfortably receive, there’s the Ohnut.
“These linkable rings are made to slide down the length of the dildo, which allow the receiver to play with various dildo lengths without requiring them to buy a bunch of dildos,” explains Finn. They can make strapping up a more enjoyable experience for the wearer, as the rings reduce their risk of hurting their partner with an extension they can’t feel.
Pros & Cons
| Pros | Cons |
|---|---|
| Reduces dildo length | Figuring out number of needed rings may take time |
| 4 rings included | |
| Waterproof |
New York Sex Toy Collective Double-Sided Suction Cup
Strapless strap-ons can be a wonderful way for two people to enjoy penetration at once. But most options feature one short, round end and one longer, leaner one, which makes them inaccessible for duos with similar preferences.
Thankfully, there’s a workaround with this double-sided suction cup, which transforms two single-sided silicone dildos into a single, DIY double-sided dildo. It can effectively attach dildos that are up to three pounds.
Pros & Cons
| Pros | Cons |
|---|---|
| Transforms single ended dildos | Dildos not included |
| Holds up to 3 pounds of dildo | Only works with silicone dildos |
SpareParts O-Stablizer Rings
This foam ring comes from the makers of our favorite strap-on harness. It’s “designed to slide down the base of the dildo to give the dildo a thicker base,” says Finn. “This helps keep the dildo upright during play, makes controlling heavier dildos easier, and can provide security for strap-on kits that don’t have adjustable O-rings.”
Pro tip: Wetting the foam will make it easier to slide over larger dildos.
Pros & Cons
| Pros | Cons |
|---|---|
| Provides stability to dildo | Not the most durable |
| Can be used to customize strap-ons without an adjustable O-ring |
What to consider when shopping for a strap-on
Kits
If you’re new to strap-on play, you might want to opt for a kit that includes both a harness and a dildo. “Kits are a great choice for beginners who are just getting started on their strap-on journey, as they make things as simple as possible,” Gigi Engle, a COSRT-certified sex and relationship psychotherapist and resident intimacy expert with dating app 3Fun, tells SELF. As you learn what you (and your partner) like, you can branch out and purchase additional accessories—say, different dildos or other styles of harnesses—that’ll still work with your kit.
Dildo size and material
If you’re purchasing a dildo and a harness separately, Engle recommends starting small: Look for something that’s five to six inches long and not too thick, especially if you’re new to strap-ons, she says. “You can eventually work your way up to longer toys if you discover that you like deeper stimulation, but the prostate and G-zone are only two inches in, so you don’t have to buy a yardstick.”
Make sure your dildo is made from medical-grade silicone that can be easily sanitized, Dr. Queen says. Options made from other body-safe materials, like stainless steel, glass, or ABS plastic, may be too heavy to stay in a harness and too firm for fast thrusting.
Harness style
You’ll also need to choose between a jockstrap and an underwear-style harness. “Jockstrap harnesses have straps that go around the waist and thighs, which makes them secure, comfortable, and flexible for different kinds of play,” Shadeen Francis, LMFT, an AASECT-certified sex therapist, tells SELF. They tend to be the most adjustable, making it easier to find the right fit. Underwear harnesses, which look (and are sized like) regular undies, have panels or a ring built into them to hold a dildo.
There are also harnesses that fit chins, thighs, and hands. Some are fashioned like suspenders or corsets, and there are even strapless strap-ons (which don’t need a harness at all).
No matter which style you choose, check the manufacturer’s size guide before you buy to get the right fit. Read the care instructions too: Some harnesses are machine-washable, but vegan leather and leather ones should be washed by hand, says Dr. Queen.
O-rings
The O-ring is the rubber or metal piece that secures the dildo in the harness. Some harnesses come with different sizes of O-rings that you can swap in and out, depending on the width of your dildo. Others have a built-in elastic O-ring that can stretch to accommodate most sizes.
FYI: If your harness has a fixed O-ring, make sure to compare its diameter to the girth of the dildo you want to use to make sure they’ll work together, Dr. Queen says.
How we picked the strap-ons on this list
To find the best strap-ons and accessories, SELF’s team of sex toy testers pooled our experience with various types (I also teach strap-on and pegging workshops, so I know what I’m talking about!). Then we asked certified sex therapists and sex shop educators to share the strap-ons that their clients swear by or that they personally use.
Before adding a product to our list, we double-checked that it was made from a body-safe material that’s easy to clean. We also prioritized harnesses that can be adjusted to fit a variety of body shapes. And we made sure that all vibrating dildos had a battery life of an hour or longer (because a dead toy can be a real buzzkill).
Frequently asked questions
How do strapless strap-ons work?
Strapless strap-ons are double-ended dildos that can penetrate you and a partner at the same time without anything (like a fiddly harness) getting in the way, Frye-Nekrasova says. The shorter end is designed to go into the “wearer,” who uses their pelvic floor muscles to hold the strap-on in place. Thanks to all that skin-to-skin connection, strapless strap-ons are a great way to feel closer to your partner, Frye-Nekrasova says.
How do I care for my strap-on?
Cleaning your strap-on dildo, harness, and any accessory after every use will prolong the lifespan of your sex toys and support your sexual health, board-certified obstetrics-gynecologist Lisa M. Valle, D.O., FACOG, the medical director of Oasis Women’s Sexual Function Center in Santa Monica, CA, tells SELF. “Left uncleaned, sex toys can harbor bacteria that can predispose you to infection, such as UTIs, yeast infections, bacterial vaginosis, and sexually transmitted infections, as well as compromise the material of the toy,” she says.
Most strap-ons and double-ended dildos are made from silicone, which Valle says can be cleaned with warm water and a fragrance-free, mild soap. If the dildo isn’t motorized (meaning it doesn’t vibrate), you can also boil it in hot water, she explains, then pat it dry or leave it on a clean towel to air dry.
Fabric, machine-washable harnesses can be cleaned on a gentle cycle with mild detergent, board-certified ob-gyn Melanie Bone, MD, the US medical director at the virtual women’s health clinic Daye, tells SELF. Or, “you can let them soak for four to six hours in warm soapy water in your sink or bathtub,” she says. “After washing, let them air dry completely before storing.”
Leather harnesses can become deformed if you saturate them with water—they need special care. “Gently wipe it down with a damp cloth using mild leather cleaner specifically formulated for leather products,” suggests Bone. Let it dry at room temperature (away from direct sunlight or heat), and then apply any leather conditioner recommended by the harness manufacturer to prevent cracking, she says.
Meet the experts
- Shamyra Howard, PhD, CST, LCSW, an AASECT-certified sex therapist with sex-toy brand We-Vibe
- Jennifer Litner, PhD, an AASECT-certified sex therapist and founder of Embrace Sexual Wellness
- Gigi Engle, a COSRT-certified sex and relationship psychotherapist and resident intimacy expert with dating app 3Fun
- Javay Frye-Nekrasova, MEd, an AASECT-certified sex educator with Lovehoney, commonly known as the Millennial Sexpert on Instagram
- Carol Queen, PhD, a staff expert at online sex-toy shop Good Vibes and coauthor of The Sex & Pleasure Book: Good Vibrations Guide to Great Sex for Everyone
- Heather Shannon, LCPC, a certified sex therapist and host of the podcast Ask a Sex Therapist
- Lisa M. Valle, D.O., FACOG, ob-gyn, the medical director of Oasis Women's Sexual Function Center in Santa Monica, California
- Melanie Bone, MD, a board-certified obstetrics-gynecologist with Daye
- Lisa Finn, a sex educator with sex-toy store Babeland
- Gabrielle Kassel, a queer sex educator, SELF sex writer and toy tester, and strap-on sex workshop teacher
Related:
- The Best Sex Toys for Women in 2024, According to Experts
- 10 Best Sex Pillows to Help You Hit All the Right Angles
- 11 Best Wand Vibrators, According to Sex Educators
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SELF does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any information published on this website or by this brand is not intended as a substitute for medical advice, and you should not take any action before consulting with a healthcare professional.
